Coming back from our family vacation a few days ago, I’m feeling refreshed, renewed, and reenergized! God is so good!!! He knew what I was going to need long before I even had an inkling…
A few months ago it was a different season I thought I was about to embark on. Visited the ER due to very bad back and abdominal pains and the last thing I was expecting to hear was, “congratulations, your pregnant”. UM, what? What was that you said doc… Um, I can’t be. There is no way. Huh? Wait, what? No way!!! Total disbelief just consumed me but it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with someone I’ve never met. And although I tried to not let myself go there it was too late. I loved this little peanut, my baby. My heart ached when I miscarried. No matter how far a long a woman is in her pregnancy I don’t think it matters, a lost life is a loss. There’s a bond that takes place between a woman and her unborn child, at least for me it’s true. At first I felt I did not have the right to grieve until a friend mine said these words to me, “cry if you need to, it’s okay to grieve”. I don’t know why but I needed permission to cry my heart out. I cried for this baby I will never hold (on this side of heaven), I cried for the things I had pondered in my heart, I cried to God asking Him why would He give me something just to take it away! Why God? Why did you have to let me know, why couldn’t you have taken my baby without me knowing of his/her existence? And then I realized everything I have does not belong to me. My husband, my children, my family, my home. None of what I have belongs to me, I am only to steward what the Master owns. They all belong to God, even my life.
I believe wholeheartedly God allows things to happen for a reason; there is purpose behind it, even painful situations. Sometimes our own foolish choices are a result of the consequences and sometimes things happen that are out of our control. I may not always agree with God or I may not understand what’s going on but what I do know is this, I totally, totally trust He is right, He is just, He is faithful, He only has the best for my life!!! My hospital bands have two different dates, one date represents joy and the other date represents loss but most of all what the two combine represents to me is my God is in control of all things. He is both the giver and taker and I praise Him for being both!!!
I’m starting a new season at my workplace. How awesome He is to allow me to have time off to spend with my family the very week my new position became official! Who starts the first week of a promotion on vacation? Our vacation was planned many, many months ago not knowing any of this would happen. God is so good! He is the author of my life and He knew exactly what I needed, time to close one season of my life and to enter into a new one!
In Awe of Him,